SYSTEMS - and how they work best

All must belong

All must belong to the family, living or no longer living. The system functions best when all have their place and get recognised and respected for who they are. Secrets will create gaps and voids, which in return cause issues in the line of siblings and/or in the following family generations.

The good order

It is best if all children and adults observe the following: What comes first must be respected for having been there first. E.g. partnership comes before parenthood. Or: the hierarchy in children... the younger child, at times, takes on a 'superior role' towards the older sibling: "I am better than you!" is what will disturb the sequence. There are many more examples.

Giving and taking

The exchange of 'giving and taking' among parents needs to be balanced. The system will prosper if every time someone gives, they give a little more than before. Children, once grown, will pass to their own children what they have received from their parents.

Physical law of 'Conservation of Energy'

Energy can NOT be eliminated, it must be transformed. History repeats in families because grief, blame and shame have not been dealt with. The young ones will repeat and 'carry burdens' for the older generations, and the feeling of unpunished guilt e.g. remains. Expressed in a child or grandchild, niece or nephew: they either become perpetrators themselves, or live a life full of unexplained guilt.

Invisible bonds

Twins share an incredible bond. A non-mentioned twin (e.g. if one is still born) can have a major impact on the surviving twin, who will be left 'searching for what's missing'. Identical twins develop in almost identical ways, even if separated by birth. Very similar connections and bonds can be observed among family members, linking generations.

The truth is best

All secrets are based on emotions. As long as emotions drive us (sadness, grief, fear of exposure, fear of reactions etc.), we might not be ready to solve anything for ourselves or for others. Be encouraged to step away from your emotions (literally) and recognise the long-gone history as a fact, a fact that now has the potential to heal.

A family, built on secrets and lies, is like a crooked house, built on a slippery slope. Others will have to make up for the missing pieces to keep the house balanced and upright!

Children sense the silence and avoidance, the emotional absence and underlying sadness. Could history and fate be repeating in them?

Where there is no truth, there will be no trust...

And trust can only be built on a solid structure.

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